1. The Forgetful Mechanic

A man takes his car to the mechanic and asks, “How much will it cost to fix my car?”
The mechanic says, “It depends. What seems to be the problem?”
The man replies, “It doesn’t go when I press the gas.”
The mechanic says, “Sounds like it needs gas.”

2. The Nervous Skydiver

A man goes skydiving for the first time. Before jumping, he asks the instructor, “What happens if my parachute doesn’t open?”
The instructor replies, “Well, that’s what the backup parachute is for.”
The man asks, “And if the backup doesn’t open?”
The instructor smiles and says, “Then you’ll have the rest of your life to figure it out.”

3. The Stubborn Mule

A farmer’s mule refuses to move no matter how much he pulls on the reins. Frustrated, the farmer calls his neighbor for help.
The neighbor grabs a big stick and hits the mule on the head. The mule starts walking immediately.
The farmer asks, “Why didn’t it move for me?”
The neighbor replies, “You forgot to get its attention first.”

4. The Computer Genius

A customer calls tech support and says, “I can’t print anything from my computer!”
The technician asks, “Is the printer turned on?”
The customer replies, “Of course! Do you think I’m an idiot?”
The technician asks, “Is it plugged in?”
The customer pauses and says, “Oh… right, I’ll call you back.”

5. The Optimistic Painter

A man hires a painter to paint his porch. After only a few hours, the painter comes back and says, “All done!”
Surprised, the man asks, “That was fast! Did you cover everything?”
The painter replies, “Yep, but I should tell you—it’s a car, not a porch.”

6. The Lawyer’s Fee

A lawyer is reading over a client’s will. The client asks, “How much will you charge me to write up my will?”
The lawyer replies, “How much do you have?”

7. The Forgetful Hairdresser

A customer sits in a hair salon chair and tells the hairdresser, “I want something stylish but simple.”
The hairdresser cuts the customer’s hair, then says, “How’s this?”
The customer looks in the mirror and says, “It’s great, but next time let’s cut it on purpose.”

8. The Friendly Ghost

A man moves into a new house and is told it’s haunted. He spends the first night alone and wakes up to a strange noise.
“Who’s there?” he asks.
A voice replies, “I’m the ghost that haunts this house.”
The man shrugs and says, “Nice to meet you. Do you want breakfast?”

9. The Lost Tourist

A tourist asks a local for directions.
The local says, “If I were you, I wouldn’t start from here.”

10. The Chicken Crossing the Road

A man asks his friend, “Why did the chicken cross the road?”
The friend replies, “I don’t know.”
The man says, “To get to the other side!”
The friend looks confused and asks, “What happened to the chicken after that?”

11. The Forgetful Cook

A chef makes a meal for his family but forgets to add salt. When they complain, he says, “It’s healthy! No salt, no heart problems!”
His wife replies, “But it’s also flavorless. No taste, no compliments!”

12. The Confident Diver

A man dives into the pool without testing the water. After resurfacing, his friend asks, “How was the water?”
The man replies, “It was great! Except for the part where I almost froze.”

13. The Smart Kid

A teacher asks a student, “If I give you two apples and then give you two more, how many apples will you have?”
The student replies, “Four.”
The teacher smiles, “Good! And if I give you two more apples, how many will you have?”
The student says, “I don’t know. I don’t like apples.”

14. The Forgetful Golfer

A golfer forgets to count his strokes. He asks his caddy, “What did I get on this hole?”
The caddy replies, “You got a lucky break.”

15. The Friendly Dog

A man walks his dog in the park. Another man asks, “Is your dog friendly?”
The owner replies, “Very friendly!”
The other man says, “Then why is he growling at me?”
The owner looks down and says, “Oh, sorry. He only growls at people he likes.”

16. The Confident Jogger

A man is jogging down the street when his friend asks, “Why are you running so fast?”
The man replies, “I’m trying to catch up with my New Year’s resolution!”

17. The Forgetful Professor

A professor enters the wrong classroom and starts teaching. Halfway through, a student raises his hand and says, “Professor, I think you’re in the wrong class.”
The professor looks around and replies, “I was wondering why everyone seemed so confused.”

18. The Lost Luggage

A traveler arrives at the airport and can’t find his luggage. He asks the baggage clerk, “What do I do if my bags are lost?”
The clerk replies, “Keep calm and carry on.”

19. The Forgetful Doctor

A patient says to the doctor, “I keep forgetting things.”
The doctor asks, “When did it start?”
The patient replies, “When did what start?”

20. The Wrong Delivery

A man receives a package in the mail and opens it, only to find a pair of shoes he didn’t order. He calls the company and says, “You sent me the wrong item.”
The customer service agent asks, “What did you receive?”
The man replies, “Someone else’s size.”

#Jokes_Humour